strengthening my faith.

i am amazed but scared. happy but a bit worried. but why? one might ask. if truth be told, i'm not really sure. it's just that my "transition" is getting speedier by minute. you know what i'm saying?

it's all about following the Straight Path".

finally, i am trying to take little baby steps towards following His Way. starting from praying the Sala'at, purifying my thoughts, reading the Qur'an, memorizing all over again, and... the most difficult to hurdle-- wearing my HIJAB properly.

i dunno. it isn't supposed to be this hard considering the fact that iwas born and raised in a muslim household. pero mahirap talaga for me-- especially because i have always been vocal before about women not wearing their veil but at the same time, niri-respeto pa rin. i used to say i don't really care about what people think of me. that being myself is the ultimate rule i have to follow. now, i actually regret ever saying those words. May God forgive me on that...

ang sarap ng pakiramdam ng alam mong you are trying to please Him. on the contrary, mahirap din yung feeling na paglabas mo ng bahay, and people who knows you ask you-- "anong nakain moh?" or "parang tunay ah!" or "may sakit ka ba?". really, it's difficult. but inshaAllah, nalalagpasan ko naman and unlike the ME before, i don't think about it too much nah.

so what if some people think i'm weird?

so what if some are just counting the days till i get tired and finally give in to the devil?

i have my God with me...

and He's gonna help me...

and He's gonna guide me...

indeed, the spirit is strong but the flesh is really weak-- especially mine.

but with Him, inshaAllah i shall not go astray.

indeed, ignorance is in a way excusable. but when you already have the knowledge and still you refuse to follow? that is arrogance. i was born a muslim. i studied in madrasah. i was taught what i should do as a Muslim. what's keeping me from following His Way?